How to Break Free of Limiting Beliefs and Write Your Story (the 3P framework)
You have a story in you, and you want to tell it.
But you don’t.
You’re feeling the fundamental desire deep inside of you to write.
Yet, year after year, you talk yourself out of it.
It’s the same cycle of excuses playing in your head on repeat:
“Why would anyone care about my story?”
“I don’t want to seem self-absorbed.”
“My life isn’t exciting enough.”
We all have self-limiting beliefs when it comes to writing about our life.
Trust me, I’ve heard (and personally struggled with) every variation of these you can think of.
That’s why I developed a simple 3P framework to help myself (and hopefully you) get over this initial friction.
Because you’re right, unless you’re a celebrity, chances are people might not be invested in your story at first.
Unless…
1 - PERSON.
People feel like you’re writing specifically to them.
Like you opened up their chest and connected your story directly into their heart.
It sounds weird, but if you’ve read good writing, you know the feeling.
When it seems like an author is talking directly to you, it’s an incredible sensation.
You can create that for your readers.
The key is to imagine you’re writing for ONE person.
Usually (not always), this is a version of yourself.
Either your past, present, or future self.
Imagine that one person, and write to them.
“But Kia,” I can hear you saying, “I want my story to be for everybody.”
Nope.
That’s the best way to make a neutral middle-of-the-road book no one feels connected to.
Be bold.
Stake your claim.
Write for ONE person.
2 - PAIN.
We like reading about successes, but we relate better to failures.
There’s an intrinsic connection we feel when someone opens up and shares their losses.
Have you ever been at a party and heard that guy who only talks about how great he’s doing?
Yeah, it’s cool for about…idk…five minutes? If that?
You don’t want to be a Debbie Downer. But dig deep.
Get vulnerable.
There’s a book called Bittersweet by Susan Cain that touches on the research behind this idea.
Pain and longing are our universal language.
Weave in humor to keep it light if you need to, but don’t be afraid of “going there”.
The more specific the experience (ironically), the more universal it is.
If you’re scared to write it down, that’s usually a good sign.
Run toward that fear.
It can often be therapeutic, and you might be surprised what you find on the other side.
3 - POINT.
What’s the point?
The best personal stories usually have a theme.
If it’s a collection of short stories or a memoir, there might be two or three.
You might not have this figured out from the beginning, and if you don’t, don’t worry about it.
I find most of my themes along the way.
While putting together my first collection of essays, I had no idea where the book would end up.
I just started writing.
Some folks have a clear idea of what these themes are before heading into the project, and if that’s you, awesome.
If not, trust in the writing process that it’ll reveal itself to you eventually.
Once you have 10-20 stories, it’s easier to see the thematic glue that connects them.
My favorite essay collections and memoirs usually revolve around the same few themes:
-Family.
-Relationships
-Feelings of loneliness/like an outsider.
When I break down my own writing, my pieces normally fall somewhere in one of these three buckets, too.
The story could be a funny adventure about getting a vasectomy in Mexico, but the theme might revolve around not feeling adequate as a man to be a parent.
Whatever story you’re telling, think about how it connects to a bigger idea, and why that might resonate with your reader.
So, yeah, you’re right.
Maybe you haven’t had THE world’s most exciting life.
I’d argue exciting has little to do with it.
We don’t crave the crazy story as much as we do connection.
And that is something you’re completely capable of creating, near-death-dragon-slaying-helicopter-escaping experiences or not 😎
Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:
1. Creative Contact Free Newsletter: Practical tips each week guiding you from your first sentence to a finished manuscript.
2. The StorySpark Online Workshop: This quick and simple course will teach you the exact system I used to write for 450 days straight.
3. 1-on-1 Coaching: If you need a little extra accountability and guidance to bring your book to life. Let’s talk.